Saturday, January 9, 2010
Coming uncorked...
Y'know that feeling when your heart and mind are about to explode? Yeah? That's where I'm at.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
On 1/5/10 I almost died...
Soooooo...yeah. Leo enjoys coffee, which is simultaneously cute and worrisome. Our arrangement is that he may brew coffee, with permission, and it must be decaf. Oh, and he has to make enough for me to have some too. So today, like many others, he asks to make a pot of coffee, I say yes, and so on and so forth. The cream in the fridge is about to turn so I decide to indulge myself and instead of my normal mug, I use one of Scott's larger travel mugs. Twice. I did say "indulge", remember?
I woke up with a massive headache this morning and feeling physically spent in general (another story altogether...), but I find myself gradually feeling worse as the minutes pass. And then I start feeling what I imagine a panic attack might be like (I have had one in my life which, too, is another story altogether...). My heart is pounding in my chest, I can't breathe, my eyes go a bit fuzzy and the room starts to rock. After several random episodes of this, it occurs to me "that was not decaf". I ask Leo. He says, "Oh. Yeah." *stare*
I have been caffeine-free for...oh...elevenish years now? Something like that? For this very reason. *stare*
Needless to say, I spent the day feeling like I ought to be in the emergency room. It's been about fifteen hours and I am finally feeling somewhat normal.
On the upside, if you must endure the Department of Motor Vehicles, it might be a good idea to go when you feel like you're going to die. You don't seem to comprehend the crazy-long wait when you're trying to keep your heart from popping out of your chest. You also don't completely comprehend that you were "lost in the computer" nor do you care that you look like a criminal in your new photo.
By the way, Osama and Denzel renewed their licenses today as well. Their pictures turned out nice.
I woke up with a massive headache this morning and feeling physically spent in general (another story altogether...), but I find myself gradually feeling worse as the minutes pass. And then I start feeling what I imagine a panic attack might be like (I have had one in my life which, too, is another story altogether...). My heart is pounding in my chest, I can't breathe, my eyes go a bit fuzzy and the room starts to rock. After several random episodes of this, it occurs to me "that was not decaf". I ask Leo. He says, "Oh. Yeah." *stare*
I have been caffeine-free for...oh...elevenish years now? Something like that? For this very reason. *stare*
Needless to say, I spent the day feeling like I ought to be in the emergency room. It's been about fifteen hours and I am finally feeling somewhat normal.
On the upside, if you must endure the Department of Motor Vehicles, it might be a good idea to go when you feel like you're going to die. You don't seem to comprehend the crazy-long wait when you're trying to keep your heart from popping out of your chest. You also don't completely comprehend that you were "lost in the computer" nor do you care that you look like a criminal in your new photo.
By the way, Osama and Denzel renewed their licenses today as well. Their pictures turned out nice.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Retreating...
Attended Impact 2010 in Des Moines with 25 awesome high school students and 3 amazing leaders. Here is a random summary in list form because it's so much easier to unload the jumble in my brain when I don't need to find a way to tie it all together in a narrative.
1. Jarrod Jones
2. Rooms on the 22nd floor. Broken elevators. Student in wheelchair. Thank you, Lord, for people who know how to fix things that are broken. Eventually.
3. 1 Corinthians 13:7 Lord, help me to persevere in love. Help ME to PERSEVERE in LOVE. *pounds head on table*
4. Before I state the following, I want to say,"IT WAS ALL WORTH IT AND I WOULD DO IT AGAIN." I took six Ibuprofen the morning after rollerskating. As soon as the retreat was over yesterday, I allowed myself to actually feel the even more intense aftermath and ended up taking 1/2 a stolen Darvocet. (Stolen from Mara's wisdom tooth prescription. Not stolen from, say, a MediCap pharmacy. Christmas trees? Yes. Pharmaceuticals? No.)
5. Talked too much in small group. Ugh. Why must I do that? *sigh* I really am awful at leading small groups. Seriously. I should be banned from ever doing that. *laugh*
6. Tasty pastries!
7. Northwestern's Black V has two very funny members. Just two, though. Or maybe I was just tired?
8. Pens don't particularly care for glossy paper. That might be a little known fact.
9. Buzzword!
10. Drunken hotel guests. Thank you, Lord, that I had no students with me on the most awkward elevator ride of my life. *laugh*
11. Spaghetti Works!
12. Family turmoil. It's not so convenient having your heart break when you can't come home.
13. Minato is adorable. She squeaks and sighs a lot when she wakes up.
14. Dear Wendy,
I apologize in advance for giving you a hotel bill with a big grease spot. It is the fault of the Marriott muffin in my book bag. I wrapped it carefully in napkins, but it still found a way to somehow wreak havoc. I do bear some responsibility, though, given the fact that I smuggled it from the hotel in the first place. And darn it all, it ended up being chocolate chip instead of blueberry.
Sincerely,
Cinnamon
15. Dear Marriott,
Quit tricking people with your blueberry-looking chocolate chip muffins.
Very Sincerely,
Cinnamon
16. Iowa can be very cold. Thank you, Lord, for the genius of skywalks.
17. When you request Family Force 5 or TobyMac from the rollerskating DJ and the only song he has is "Gone" by TobyMac, the obvious answer is to dedicate it to Pastor Gabe while he finishes up his time in Saudi Arabia. Wish he could have heard his kids cheer when he was given a shout-out. *smile*
18. Assault by foil ball!
19. No Carcassonne. :'(
20. "Loving people is simply our love for God made public." ~Jarrod Jones
1. Jarrod Jones
2. Rooms on the 22nd floor. Broken elevators. Student in wheelchair. Thank you, Lord, for people who know how to fix things that are broken. Eventually.
3. 1 Corinthians 13:7 Lord, help me to persevere in love. Help ME to PERSEVERE in LOVE. *pounds head on table*
4. Before I state the following, I want to say,"IT WAS ALL WORTH IT AND I WOULD DO IT AGAIN." I took six Ibuprofen the morning after rollerskating. As soon as the retreat was over yesterday, I allowed myself to actually feel the even more intense aftermath and ended up taking 1/2 a stolen Darvocet. (Stolen from Mara's wisdom tooth prescription. Not stolen from, say, a MediCap pharmacy. Christmas trees? Yes. Pharmaceuticals? No.)
5. Talked too much in small group. Ugh. Why must I do that? *sigh* I really am awful at leading small groups. Seriously. I should be banned from ever doing that. *laugh*
6. Tasty pastries!
7. Northwestern's Black V has two very funny members. Just two, though. Or maybe I was just tired?
8. Pens don't particularly care for glossy paper. That might be a little known fact.
9. Buzzword!
10. Drunken hotel guests. Thank you, Lord, that I had no students with me on the most awkward elevator ride of my life. *laugh*
11. Spaghetti Works!
12. Family turmoil. It's not so convenient having your heart break when you can't come home.
13. Minato is adorable. She squeaks and sighs a lot when she wakes up.
14. Dear Wendy,
I apologize in advance for giving you a hotel bill with a big grease spot. It is the fault of the Marriott muffin in my book bag. I wrapped it carefully in napkins, but it still found a way to somehow wreak havoc. I do bear some responsibility, though, given the fact that I smuggled it from the hotel in the first place. And darn it all, it ended up being chocolate chip instead of blueberry.
Sincerely,
Cinnamon
15. Dear Marriott,
Quit tricking people with your blueberry-looking chocolate chip muffins.
Very Sincerely,
Cinnamon
16. Iowa can be very cold. Thank you, Lord, for the genius of skywalks.
17. When you request Family Force 5 or TobyMac from the rollerskating DJ and the only song he has is "Gone" by TobyMac, the obvious answer is to dedicate it to Pastor Gabe while he finishes up his time in Saudi Arabia. Wish he could have heard his kids cheer when he was given a shout-out. *smile*
18. Assault by foil ball!
19. No Carcassonne. :'(
20. "Loving people is simply our love for God made public." ~Jarrod Jones
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Givin' this blog mouth-to-mouth...
This is stolen from my sister. But that's OK because she stole it from someone else. Apparently, we are both thieves.
Outside my window...scattered leaves and a stray croquet ball from this summer.
I am thinking...I want to be a person who lets people know they are loved and important.
I am thankful for...each day God gives me.
From the learning rooms...more Civil War. Be patient with me. It was a long war.
From the kitchen...a spoon of peanut butter. Later on, spaghetti.
I am wearing...mismatched pajama top and pants. Floral flannel on the bottom and brown cotton trimmed with light blue lace on the top. It's not a bad look, really.
I am creating...a Christmas masterpiece for my sister's tree. I hope she likes unicorns. And twisty-ties.
I am going...to run away to Wisconsin. I want to anyway. Note to self: Call Summer about running away to Wisconsin.
I am reading...Living the Resurrection by Eugene H. Peterson of "The Message" fame. It's interesting. Thought-provoking. And I see a theme as God's sovereignty directs my reading. I've disagreed a time or two in these first 42 pages, which may prompt an email to the author. You never know. He might send a response. If he's a real man. ;) Totally kidding.
I am hoping...to find the right words. I am also hoping for matching dishes and silverware because I can't take much more of this.
On my mind...regrets. Kind of a downer, but at least I'm honest?
I am hearing...Tim Hawkins. He is in my kitchen at this very moment.
Around the house...are lots of projects and lots of little things I love. Like my wrought iron pig with wings. He is adorable.
One of my favorite things...platters. Strange, I know.
A few plans for the rest of the week...writing an outline, Christmas Gathering, baking cookies and making carmels with my Sophcat, and a few other things.
Outside my window...scattered leaves and a stray croquet ball from this summer.
I am thinking...I want to be a person who lets people know they are loved and important.
I am thankful for...each day God gives me.
From the learning rooms...more Civil War. Be patient with me. It was a long war.
From the kitchen...a spoon of peanut butter. Later on, spaghetti.
I am wearing...mismatched pajama top and pants. Floral flannel on the bottom and brown cotton trimmed with light blue lace on the top. It's not a bad look, really.
I am creating...a Christmas masterpiece for my sister's tree. I hope she likes unicorns. And twisty-ties.
I am going...to run away to Wisconsin. I want to anyway. Note to self: Call Summer about running away to Wisconsin.
I am reading...Living the Resurrection by Eugene H. Peterson of "The Message" fame. It's interesting. Thought-provoking. And I see a theme as God's sovereignty directs my reading. I've disagreed a time or two in these first 42 pages, which may prompt an email to the author. You never know. He might send a response. If he's a real man. ;) Totally kidding.
I am hoping...to find the right words. I am also hoping for matching dishes and silverware because I can't take much more of this.
On my mind...regrets. Kind of a downer, but at least I'm honest?
I am hearing...Tim Hawkins. He is in my kitchen at this very moment.
Around the house...are lots of projects and lots of little things I love. Like my wrought iron pig with wings. He is adorable.
One of my favorite things...platters. Strange, I know.
A few plans for the rest of the week...writing an outline, Christmas Gathering, baking cookies and making carmels with my Sophcat, and a few other things.
Friday, February 27, 2009
My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast...
OK, so not all of the time, but I'm learning.
Not good news. Horrible news, in fact. My dear friend said it's like being in a boxing ring and she just keeps getting punched and punched and punched. And you get up again only to take more punches.
So many lessons for each of us in this kind of adversity. My lessons? In the midst of learning about prayer and intercession and godly sorrow vs. worldly sorrow, there are some humbling lessons on what it truly means to lay down my life for someone else. "See if there be any wicked way in me and lead me into the everlasting..."
A lot of selfishness has been exposed in me. Selfishness and self-pity. I have no phone. I have no money. I am sick, so I can't see them. I feel like I can do nothing. (Yes, I know prayer is the most important thing, but we're talking about selfishness here and when does sin ever make sense?) I want to be the one to run errands for them, to comfort them, to provide for them, to make their life easier. I,I,I,I...
And then God in His neverending grace and mercy is my comfort. Even in this, He is my consolation. Such a wonderful heavenly Father. Which is, for me, the most important lesson of all. See your sin and then move on. Do something about it and then thank God for His forgiveness and mercy. It's so easy to beat yourself up, to dwell on your wretchedness.
Now there's a cycle of sin if there ever was one. Self-loathing is just another form of self-pity which is just another form of pride. Oh, how we love to think of ourselves often and with such intensity. So we'll be having none of that, thank you very much. I will choose to be grateful to God for His mercy in illuminating those things which hinder the pure heart I so deeply desire.
Ever hear of Francois Fenelon? He wrote on this very subject:
"Little faults become great and even monstrous in our eyes, to the extent that we increase in the pure light of God. Just as the rising sun reveals the true size of objects which were seen dimly during the night, the increase of inward light will show our imperfections to be far greater and more deadly in their roots than we had thought them. We witness, in addition, a host of other faults, of whose existence we had not the slightest suspicion. We find the weaknesses necessary to deprive us of all confidence in our own strength. This discovery, however, far from discouraging us, serves to destroy our self-reliance and to raze to the ground the edifice of pride. Nothing marks so decidedly the solid progress of a soul as being able to view its own depravity without being disturbed or discouraged...
We must be neither astonished or disheartened. We are not more wicked than we were. We are really less so, but while our evil diminishes, our light increases, and we are struck with horror at its extent. But let us remember, for our consolation, that the perception of our disease is the first step in its cure."
Not good news. Horrible news, in fact. My dear friend said it's like being in a boxing ring and she just keeps getting punched and punched and punched. And you get up again only to take more punches.
So many lessons for each of us in this kind of adversity. My lessons? In the midst of learning about prayer and intercession and godly sorrow vs. worldly sorrow, there are some humbling lessons on what it truly means to lay down my life for someone else. "See if there be any wicked way in me and lead me into the everlasting..."
A lot of selfishness has been exposed in me. Selfishness and self-pity. I have no phone. I have no money. I am sick, so I can't see them. I feel like I can do nothing. (Yes, I know prayer is the most important thing, but we're talking about selfishness here and when does sin ever make sense?) I want to be the one to run errands for them, to comfort them, to provide for them, to make their life easier. I,I,I,I...
And then God in His neverending grace and mercy is my comfort. Even in this, He is my consolation. Such a wonderful heavenly Father. Which is, for me, the most important lesson of all. See your sin and then move on. Do something about it and then thank God for His forgiveness and mercy. It's so easy to beat yourself up, to dwell on your wretchedness.
Now there's a cycle of sin if there ever was one. Self-loathing is just another form of self-pity which is just another form of pride. Oh, how we love to think of ourselves often and with such intensity. So we'll be having none of that, thank you very much. I will choose to be grateful to God for His mercy in illuminating those things which hinder the pure heart I so deeply desire.
Ever hear of Francois Fenelon? He wrote on this very subject:
"Little faults become great and even monstrous in our eyes, to the extent that we increase in the pure light of God. Just as the rising sun reveals the true size of objects which were seen dimly during the night, the increase of inward light will show our imperfections to be far greater and more deadly in their roots than we had thought them. We witness, in addition, a host of other faults, of whose existence we had not the slightest suspicion. We find the weaknesses necessary to deprive us of all confidence in our own strength. This discovery, however, far from discouraging us, serves to destroy our self-reliance and to raze to the ground the edifice of pride. Nothing marks so decidedly the solid progress of a soul as being able to view its own depravity without being disturbed or discouraged...
We must be neither astonished or disheartened. We are not more wicked than we were. We are really less so, but while our evil diminishes, our light increases, and we are struck with horror at its extent. But let us remember, for our consolation, that the perception of our disease is the first step in its cure."
Friday, February 20, 2009
...the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words...
We covet the prayers of the saints for our friends. A young girl with bone cancer and a father with lung cancer, both so precious to people we love and even more to God Himself.
Lord, in your mercy...
Lord, in your mercy...
Thursday, February 19, 2009
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