Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Hello, Insecurity...

I am almost finished with Beth Moore's new book, So Long, Insecurity, and let me just say that I have never in my life been as insecure about my insecurities as I am right now. I should have known. She admitted to this very thing herself, so I should have seen it coming. But, oh buddy, I had no idea it would hit this hard. I would laugh if it weren't so cotton-pickin' painful and humiliating. OK, typing that made me laugh which confirms there is hope for the future. *laugh*

In an effort to be transparent, I'm going to start listing some of my common psychotic tendencies. Keep in mind this list is not exhaustive even though each and every one of these has completely exhausted me at one time or another. I'm not even sure what's going to come out of this brainstorm so it could get interesting.

*I wonder if I'm a horrible cook if I bring home leftovers from our monthly church potluck. I already KNOW I am not a horrible cook, but it doesn't keep me from wondering.

*When I watch the relating going on between the adults and students at Overflow, I am convinced I am the world's worst youth leader. On the planet. This very, very large planet. I have actually reasoned that I shouldn't quit because I can at least do the grunt work so that all the other wonderful youth leaders will be freed up to do all of their wonderful youth leading.

*If I pour my heart (or brain) out to someone in an email, even a very close friend, and I get no response, I tend to convince myself they are freaked out by my obnoxious candor and their non-response is the least confrontational way they can think to maintain healthy boundaries.

OK, I've decided three examples is enough. Reading it in black and white is...so much worse. *laugh* Father God, you've got your work cut out for you.

Current Stream of Consciousness

I am just going to let it tumble out freely with no restrictions. I apologize in advance for where that may take us...*laugh*

The latest I Can't Believe It's Not Butter ad campaign has got to be the most ridiculous thing on television. Seriously? Is this for real?

I miss my Grams. Would it be completely wrong to ditch my husband and children and hitch a ride to her farm with my parents? Over Easter weekend? Maybe we should just all go. The farm could boast a pretty awesome Easter egg hunt, that's for sure.

Something is wrong with my neck.

I may regret typing that last thing.

Pancakes. They are awesome. For some reason, I want to eat some with butter and raspberry syrup. Right now. It's OK, though, because there are no pancakes OR raspberry syrup here.

I like Gerard Butler.

I don't like our current educational system. What a farce. A soul-extinguishing, family-destroying corruption. There. I said it. I don't feel quite this strongly on most days, but I'm posting this TODAY and I did say I was going to let tumble out in its most natural state.

I think I would like to do some crafts with the boys tomorrow. Maybe watercolor painting. Or pastel drawing. Something.

I have two daughters going to prom this year. I am excited for them. They are going to have so much fun dressing up and I am glad they get to go together.

It's very late now.